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Shadows
Writer's pictureClaire Smrekar

Finding Peace in the Suck

I am what some might call “crunchy.” I will pick up a daddy long legs on a hike just to tell you that if you hold it a certain way it smells like buttered popcorn (a defense mechanism, so cool!). I am happy to have mud between my toes because I accidentally wore sandals after a downpour, and I love to be utterly exhausted from a day spent running through the woods. I know way more about owls than the average person and, to be honest, I still want to know more. Needless to say, when the opportunity to dance outside arose, I was so excited.


Here’s the thing I didn’t think about—outside doesn’t care that you have rehearsal. Outside is going to do whatever it wants whenever it wants, which, on one particular occasion, meant rehearsal in 54-degree rain. I will be completely honest with you—I was not jazzed at the prospect.. I was hoping for a last-minute cancellation. As we drove to the park (in the rain!), the predominant thought in my mind was… “this is gonna suck.”


I am so glad I did not get what I wanted.


There is something to be said for surrendering to the suck. Madi and Gabrielle were the real champions of that rehearsal—they had been in the woods two hours before the rest of us. When we got there, they ran out of the woods like giddy kids. One message, above all, was important to convey: “You can barely feel the rain in the woods!”


They were right. In the woods, you could hear the rain, but it was almost like the leaves were a protective bubble,keeping the heaviest rain out so that we could move. The cold wasn’t too cold once we were moving and there was something magical about being the only ones in the park, the consistent rhythm of the raindrops keeping time.


So much of the peace, joy, and magic that permeated that day is due, I think, to something very simple: the act of noticing. When I think back to rehearsal that day, there are a few flashbulb memories that I can see with exceptional clarity. The first is looking up at the leaves and seeing their yellow, orange, and red surfaces catch the rain before it could fall on our heads. The second is running my finger along the bark of the tree we were working on (yep, you read that right… we danced with a tree.. it gets witchy) and feeling awestruck that it was so dry. And finally I remember looking up as we left, letting the water fall on my face, finally uninhibited by the canopy.


I could write a separate blog post about each small detail that made that day so magical but for now my final thought boils down to this: Sometimes things we really aren’t looking forward to are exactly what we need most. It only takes slowing down, looking around, and a little bit of gratitude to find peace in the suck.


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